Quick life update

Just an aside as to what's been happening:
* I haven't been training
* J has (sort of) for a triathlon in January
* Been to the gym a bit, and have made it back to 70kg
* Want (don't need) new car audio stuff, like
* Infinity Ref component speakers
* Rockford Fosgate P1 subwoofer
* PowerBass Extreme components?
* Want some new cds
* Not going away for Christmas
* Saw Adalia last night, she's growing up fast. 4 months old now.
* Want (don't need) a new mountain bike
* Want (don't need) a new road bike
* Want (don't need) a few things fixed on the car. Like, new rocker cover gaskets, new rear shocks, new water pump, new cambelt, new engine mounts. Next service (200km) should be a cracker.
* Want (don't need) a new job.

Lets drag this out a bit ...

It's now December, traditionally the month for sun, sand, surf and drunken teenagers all around the Coromandel. Only, this year summer has gone on holiday, and winter's decided to have another go. It hailed severely over the weekend, especially on Sunday, when we were driving to the Sky City bus station to drop Tiffy off.
In fact, it was like driving in snow - you could clearly see the tracks of cars in front of you, and at one stage I floored it in second gear to see what would happen. All four wheels started to spin ...
As Dan says, maybe it's a little judgment on a country that has by and large decided it has had enough of anything divine.

Late as always

So I was running really late, not just usual Friday morning lateness, but real bad.
Moby - "Play" was in the CD player ... kept me reasonably relaxed, although I do tend to get a bit worked up over slow drivers when I'm running late. Case in point - I get to the expressway part - 80km zone, but everyone does 90-100km/hr. Except the two people side by side, blocking the two lanes at 70km/hr ... in front of me. Finally got past them ... squeezed through, and then had to slow down as a motorbike ahead of me decides to pull into the fast land. I think I scared him though, cause he pulled back in, and I went past him.

Beautiful day in Auckland though, truely stunning. Summer is ever so almost here ...

driving to work, listening to U2

So I was driving to work this morning, running late as usual. Popped U2's Joshua Tree cd into the head deck and just cranked the first 3 songs. There's so much emotion in there, I almost feel like crying ...

It made for a very unproductive start to the day, because I logged onto epinions.com and checked out the reviews for this cd. I like reading reviews of some of my favourite cd's just to see what others thought of them. Often the more eloquent literary-minded reviewers can bring so many more nuances to the surface, they uncover some of the more hidden meanings and feelings that lazy listeners like myself miss.

so, without further ado ...
David Martin - epinions reviewer -> http://www.epinions.com/user-divad23

His Joshua Tree review -> http://www.epinions.com/content_133394632324

writing

Sometimes all I want to do is write stuff down. It doesn't have to be coherent or meaningful ... I just want to write things down. Usually it's feelings - almost like I'm giving these emotions and ideas a little bit of immortality. It's almost like I have to do this cause then I'll feel a sense of accomplishment - in a sense I am then able to release those thoughts and move onto other stuff because I've fulfilled my self-imposed obligation to record them in a concrete manner. The written snapshot of the blog has captured some of the fleeting perpetually changing liquid thoughts that constantly flow through my consciousness ... in an imperfect manner, but hey, so long as I can preserve the essence of those reflections ... it is enough.

my running diary

Ok, while I was off not blogging, i was keeping a running diary.
It's over here: http://www.realrunner.com/ubb/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=18054&page=0&view=collapsed&sb=5&o=&fpart=1

it's spring

I don't know why - I just feel like revisiting this blog thing.
Maybe it's just because I like re-reading what I wrote a month or so back, and thinking "yeah, matt you were onto it then ..." or "yes, that was right and you did well with that post" or "mmm, not so much ..."

My running phase has come and gone I think. For the summer anyway ... I loved it, but the main drawbacks were that:
- 1.) Makes me sweat a lot. Duh, no surpise there, but it really irritates my skin ... i have eczema and it gets really bad sometimes. To the point where I finish a run, and all I can feel is stinging around my neck and arms.
- 2.) Takes a lot of time - which in summer I'll spend at the gym and surfing and other stuff.
- 3.) Its antisocial - none of my friends really run (well, J runs but we can't run together cause we run at different speeds.)
- 4.) Motivation is dropping. To keep running I need to have a goal, for example a race. I ran two 10km races plus a 13km leg in a 42km relay, plus 3 casual 5km races this year. However, I'm at a stage now, where I need somebody else to train against. Or at least compete against in a given race, so that I have the challenge to motivate myself with.
- 5.) Makes me lose weight! Obviously this is a big positive for most people, but in my current state, it's making me really skinny. Not so good.

So what now? Guess I'll wait and see.

Even the opposition gets it right ...

I'm no Roman Catholic. But I do agree with Cardinal Tom Williams

28

Ok, I may have lied when I said I wasn't going to blog anymore. This is one last post from the grave so to speak ...

It's my birthday today - I'm 28. I have to say it's not the most exciting thing in the world. I don't know why but I feel either depressed or unhappy right now, not heaps but it's there. Reminds me, I heard on the radio maybe a month ago, that people are being prescribed anti-depressants when they're actually just unhappy.
There is a difference ...

28. I wish ... I don't even know what to wish for. I don't want anything, and yet sometimes ... maybe I want to go back into the past and relive some of the fun times ... back when life was simpler and dreams were bigger.

Ciao

Ok, that's it - i'm sick of this blog thing.
no more.
hope you enjoyed it.
bye.

5km race

I ran the Loaded Hog 5km race last night, and clocked a 19:52. Not my best effort (I'd previously run a 19:33) but all things considered I'm happy with that.
New shoes were all good - I fine tuned the inner-soles (ie, cut them up with J's sewing scissors) last night and I think they're as perfect as can be now.
This morning, went to the gym and started over on RHC Month 1.

New shoes ...

I got some new running shoes on the weekend :-)

They're Nike Air Structure Triax, for overpronators, and they were half price ... can't go wrong with that! Just went to Rebel Sport today to get some inner-soles, to get that completely perfect fit.

I'd like a Falcon XR6, please ...

So I can do this with it: APS Stage III XR6T

Apple Based Products

I've taken up baking. In a small way.
I've started on apple & pear crumbles, brought on by the fact that J's dad brought a whole box of fruit up last time he was here. What better use to put them to, than to whip up a quick crumble.
I used the iconic Edmond's cookbook, and achieved good results the first time. Now I'm off to eat the fruit of my endeavours for the 2nd time (& the crumble too.)

A unique sport

Running is a funny kind of sport. All ages and all abilities can enter in the same race (unlike most competitions where you need to be of roughly the same ability, or it all turns into a one-sided waste of time). You can be as competitive as you like, or just do it for fun. You can compete against the clock or against other runners. And there's the whole calendar side of it, where the competition is on a particular day, and then you do all this training and everything in advance, and the race outcome is almost determined by what you've been doing for the past month.
At least in soccer or cricket, you play every week, and you might train once or twice a week but the whole complete game only happens on Saturday. In running, the whole race distance might be covered twice or three times in one training run.
I've often commented how quickly time goes by, which is generally a sad sort of thing, but for running it's quite good, because you commit to a 4 or 8 week plan and before you know it, it's over and you're ready to race. Delayed gratification ...

It's the weekend

J's mum & aunt came to stay Friday & Sat. That was nice for a catch up, I think J really enjoys having family stay. I went for a run on Sat morning, another 16km in 1:20 ... building up to the Tuesday LH 5km.

Go to Orcon for your free website

Alrighty, didn't run in the morning, went to the gym instead and did Pump. Pleased to know that I haven't become too much weaker, in the month of doing no gym ... although, I can't do widegrip pullups like i used to. Struggle to do one set of 10.

Anyway, I signed up for free webspace at Orcon, but I can't get my website to work. I can edit the default homepage but I can't access any other files I've uploaded via ftp. Dunno if it's me or if it's Orcon's fault.

And then, as Royce just asked, how do we get up early in the morning? J is motivated to stay in shape, and that gets her up even though she's often tired these days (I suspect iron deficiency). I get up early when I feel like it, and sleep in when I don't. It works out to about 1-2 days running, and 1-2 days gym during the week (say 3 days total). It's a habit thing, it was freaky at first waking up at 5:30am, having never done it before in my life, but over time it has become normality.

One of our pastors was talking about finishing the race last night, and talked about some marathons, in particular one Olympic Games in Helsinki (I think) where this guy came running into the stadium minutes ahead of everyone else. But he collapsed on the final lap, and although he tried to struggle on, he eventually had to be helped off by his coach with half a lap to go. How heart breaking would that be ... running 41.8km, only to not be able to finish the final 200m.

Mid-sized run

ok, went for another ~9-10km run this morning. Took about 42 minutes - i've taken to running sans watch, cause my skin gets really irritated by the watch strap.
I'm enjoying this running thing because it's generally nice and quiet in the morning, unlike Pump which has loud thumping music. Usually I like loud thumping music, but not at 6am ...

busy weekend

Weekend was good, but funny. I went to see some guys from clubsub on Saturday morning, then off to a family lunch (mmm, buffet ...), then mow the lawns, then emergency mother's day shopping, then a slow 5km run, then off to a mate's birthday party. A full but good day.
Then Sunday was taken up with running powerpoint slides at church, and going to mum and dad's for lunch, and then more church.
This morning I ran ~10km, feeling bloated from all the eating out over the weekend.

Went to the gym this morning, was going to do Pump, but did RHC pull workout instead. No run ... maybe tomorrow. Felt organised cause I did washing and washed the car this morning as well. I'm at least semi-domesticated.

i know this blog has turned into a running diary, but hey, such is life. If I felt the need to talk about other stuff, or if there was indeed anything else on my mind, then I'd write it here ... but I guess running is about the most exciting thing happening to me at the moment.

Anyway, so I ran 4.4km in 17:46 today, going at 5km race pace. That equates to a 20:12 5km. I'm thinking about running the last 2 races in the Loaded Hog 5km series. They take place from the Loaded Hog in the viaduct every Tuesday evening. I think they've been going all summer, but better late than never.
This gives me 2 weeks buildup for the first race, I'll do some long runs on the weekends, some 10km's mid-week and some 5km speed sessions.

Ran 10km before work today. It's weird, because Tuesday I felt awful - sore neck, bad sleep etc. Last night I was doing the introvert thing, retreat to the spare bedroom and zone out playing GT3.
But this morning, I just felt good. Got up and ran a new route (in fact had to drive some of it first, to check the distance.)
10km is a nice distance ... I feel like i could run it maybe 3 times a week. And maybe a couple of 5kms as well - that would be 40km/week.

Saturday was race day. All the previous 3 weeks training would be condensed into 3/4 of an hour. I drove down with a friend of mine, who was basically my support team for the race, and then in the morning met up with some other friends, one of whom was doing the 10km as well.
It was a cloudy morning for the start of the race, but it was ideal for running, being a very mild temperature with no wind. The course was four laps around a very flat circuit through the Government Gardens. My friend Mike and I started towards the back of the bunch, and it took quite a while to get moving after the gun. We basically had to squeeze past all the walkers.

The first lap was pretty comfortable, although I knew pretty much straight away I shouldn't have eaten breakfast.
The second lap was much the same, passing lots of walkers. It was hard to gauge how I was doing, because nobody was doing the same pace as me.
On the third lap, I was lapped by the serious runners, who finished in 31 minutes. Also, this girl caught up to me, and passed me (the first person to do this!) and I basically sat right behind her going into the final lap.
We traded places a couple of times in the 4th lap, but right at the end she pulled away and I couldn't keep up. By now I was breathing really heavily, and I just didn't have the aerobic capacity to kick at the end. I finished with a time of 47:03, which placed me 50th out of 909 finishers (including lots of walkers!)In my age group (males under 39) I placed 24th out of 112.

So all in all an excellent weekend. I feel a little post-race depression - cause it's all over, and I have to find a new goal/target.
Went to the gym this morning, and discovered I'd lost any upper body strength from before the whole running thing happened, so I'm going to decide soon what to concentrate on, fitness-wise ...

I like what Andy says, about half way down the page here.

Feeling good today, physically speaking. We went to the gym early this morning, J was struggling to get up and go but she did. I went to the first half of pump, but it was too loud and hot in there, so I left and went for a run instead. Running in the morning is all good, but just before 7am, it starts getting quite busy on the roads, and I hate breathing in all the exhaust fumes.

Think I need to start easing off a bit on the running - 15 min tomorrow at the most, and nothing on Friday. Will need to hydrate on Friday too ...

The weekend was fantastic. We went down to Queenstown to celebrate our 1 year wedding anniversary. I can't believe a whole year has gone by so fast. The weather was great, we probably didn't take enough photos (as usual), and it was really enjoyable. The only downside was J wasn't feeling too good, she had a bit of a cold and sore throat.
Fortunately, I didn't catch it (unless it has a 3-4 day incubation period), so it hasn't hindered my build up to the run. On Saturday, I ran about 1.5 hours, along the lakeside trail, and then along the road to Glenorchy. And then on Monday, I ran 6km loop along Hillsborough Rd, and this morning a quick 5km to my parents and back.

Nothing really earth shattering has happened lately. I ran 5km last night, and 5km this morning, and I'm feeling a bit tired now. Definitely not running tomorrow.
The one cool thing about the internet is that whatever you're interested in, there will be a decent forum somewhere on that topic. I've read good stuff on: weight training, Subaru's, mountain bikes, running, snowboarding, and car audio. (Nb: I'm lazy and the links only go to the main pages, but you intelligent readers will figure out how to get to the forums.)

Once again, I've proven to myself I cannot handle late school nights. I was up til 11:30 or so, because I had dinner at around 10:30pm, because I spent 2 hours having coffee with Steve after my run. Now this morning, I'm feeling a bit dead.
Had a fairly good run yesterday, ran 10km Mission Bay-Quay St in 0:47:20. But I'm struggling to work out how to improve my speed. I guess the adrenaline on race day will shave off a couple of minutes, so maybe a 45 is realistic. But I'd really like to get down around 40 minutes. I will have to run some intervals tonight or tomorrow.

Today has been interesting so far. I found Cristin's blog, now this is kind of interesting, from what I gather, she's about 16 years old and going through a boyfriend crisis of sorts. Sort of like "Neighbours" but in real life ... it's a bit strange reading other people's personal lives, but hey, if they choose to publish it on the web, then that's what they get.
I think there's a lot of value in holding your tongue ... trust is often earned by knowing when not to speak.

The weekend was good. Ran 16km on Saturday, in 1:21, from Quay St Mobil to St Heliers and back. This is the longest I've ever run in my life, and it was good to get it over with. It works out about 5 min/km pace, and it was pretty comfortable most of the way. However, the last km or so, was a bit tough.
Then today, I ran 3 x 5min intervals at 4 min/km pace. That's fairly quick, if I'm going to run the 10km in 40 min, then I have to run at that pace the whole race.

What's even more extreme is that competitive athletes run the same distance in under 30 minutes (ie going faster than 20km/hr - my "fast pace" training today was at 15km/hr). And the fastest marathoners can do that for over 2 hours!!!

Strangely enough, I felt a lot better this morning - strange because we only had 6 or so hours sleep. (The result of eating dinner at 10pm).
So we went to pump at the gym, S* was taking the class, looking enthusiastic and energetic as she does. Seedy Guy #2 was in the front as usual - call me overly suspicious but I am positive he is there just to check out S*. The worst part is bicep curls, when S* gets too enthusiastic and starts dancing to the music - Christina Aguilera's Dirrty. Well, not quite dancing, but you know, some hip shaking is going on. It's all good, the guys appreciate it ... however, Seedy Guy #2 decides he will dance along as well, and it's just a bad, bad look ... I had to look out the window to keep my eyes off the awful sight.
I think I can do a little less in Pump than when I stopped about a month ago, but I think that if I get back into doing it all the time, then I'll reach a level higher than I was at before. My benchpress feels slightly weaker, but my back is stronger.
So all in all RHC month 1 has made a positive difference, in terms of Pump strength. Will need to progress onto RHC month 2, but I might just wait til May for that.

After all, the plan is to focus on the run in 3 weeks. I need to put in a big run tomorrow, and next Saturday. Thinking 90 min and 120 min respectively. Now this will be a challenge ...

The human body is so fragile. Normally, I feel fine, and I like to think that I'm reasonably fit and healthy. At least above average.
Yet I get this little sore throat and it's enough to stop me from running or exercising for a couple of days. I'm thinking at least I didn't get it in two weeks time when I'm due to race.

But it's still scary that no matter what you do, no matter how good you feel right now, you can still, for no apparent reason, get sick at the drop of a hat. Like tomorrow.

I read somewhere (again I think it was in Lance Armstrong's book) that if we all realised how frail life was, then everyone would pretty much drop everything and go live in the Bahamas on the beach, thankful for every day we're given.
But somehow humans seem to think that life goes on forever, and somehow that death will never happen to them for a long long time. This, says Lance, is the mechanism by which everyone manages to keep living in a normal orderly fashion (rather than mass migrating to the beach).

i was thinking about the highlights so far in my life.
What experiences have been really worthwhile. Some of the most enjoyable have been my two big trips overseas. By big, I mean they were for a couple of months. Both times I went to the USA, and spent most of my time snowboarding.

The coolest thing was just meeting up with new people, from all walks of life, just doing the same thing as me ... in fact the highlight of the last trip 3 years ago was probably meeting up with Sarah and Elizabeth from Minnesota, and going riding with them for 2 days. I mean, I honestly still consider them friends after 2 days of knowing them. I'm not sure if they still remember who I am, but hey, lets be generous here, and assume I'm not self deluded. Perhaps though, as Elizabeth said, God lets some people just step into our lives to give us a moment of joy ... not a continual drenching, but just a summer sun-shower.

That reminds me of Lance Armstrong's book where he talks about happiness - he says happiness is a silken cord sliding through our hands. It's there for the moment, but tomorrow we'll be back to work, looking after the children, back to the daily routine. I guess he's saying it's not to be held onto, but rather remembered just for what it was, and then to aim again for the next goal.

Also high on the list was the summer of 1998/99 when Steve, Mike and I surfed a whole lot, then Steve & I went on the legendary surf trip. We went for about 2 weeks over summer, and started off at the Coromandel then worked our way down the east coast. Went through the mount, down to Ohope, then Gisbourne then to Mahia. Then we worked our way back up. Met lots of people, had a lot of laughs, some classic moments with stick-on Spice Girls tattoos. I still keep in touch with Haidee, who we met on that trip.

Lately, the biggest buzz has been getting married. It's a much deeper joy, it's part of growing up I think. And it's a lasting permanent thing, not just a seasonal buzz. I'm really looking foward to living life with J, she makes the whole picture more complete.

bleugh ... i feel crook. Well, not that bad, certainly not bad enough to complain about, but as J will tell you, I'm soft, and whine about any little aches and pains. Today I woke up with a sore throat, so I didn't go to the gym. Got up and had a honeysuckle tea (which my dad firmly believes heals sore throats). Felt better to the point of going to work.

Also, I have to think of a good birthday pressie for my sister ... mmmm ....

Easter was good. Long weekends are always good. Even if this morning, J was tired and suffering from a little post-trip depression.
I didn't get a whole lot done ... went for a surf in the morning with SC (that was a bit different). Also went for a couple of 10km runs and just did a 5km this morning.

On a side note, I hate doing PC support. :-( ... Freakin' users ...

I made it to the gym last night - I was pretty annoyed at the time, cause I thought I'd lost my fleece vest. Found it a few hours later ... anyway, so I drove to the gym and did the circuit as prescribed.
It was a real energy sapper - squat jumps take a lot out of you. Also, I couldn't quite manage 3 x 10 wide grip pull ups. I did the first 2 sets ok, but couldn't get past 8 reps on the 3rd set. I felt a bit better about the whole lost vest thing (thinking to myself it's only $100 to replace at another Kathmandu sale), I think exercise makes you a bit more positive. And then I found it at home, so that was good. Watched the last 20 minutes of Fast and the Furious on video.

Today, we woke up to another fine cold morning. J is off to see her folks in Hastings, so I'm home alone for a few days. She's always going off places ... compared to me. Still I'll be off to Rotorua come 1 May ...

well, i'm depressed now. I read a fairly recent "Investigate" magazine, which featured a story on the possibility of an upcoming oil crisis. Apparently, oil reserves could run out within the next 20 years. And we have a society that's addicted to oil - plastics, fertilisers, all sorts of things are manufactured using oil. This has the possibility to become a huge nightmare in the future.
At first I thought fine, so I'll catch the bus to work - don't need to drive a car around. Afterall, I like running and cycling. But this is more than a car problem, it's a whole way of life problem.
Ouch.

Late nights really muck up your day ... It was 11:30pm by the time I'd finished lazing around and finally made it to bed. Consequently, no gym this morning ... maybe I'll go tonight.
It's getting really cold in the night lately. I got up this morning, and drove to work for 30 minutes with the heater on, and I've only just warmed up.
I'm thinking about writing something here with a bit more meaning ... more later.

Last week was a bit of a mess at work, with stock takes etc going on. I came home Friday night, (J was out at a girly event) and played some GT3. I'm about 65% finished, have done Beginner, Amateur and Rally series. Actually, I have about 3 races to go to finish Amateur, after which I'm not sure if I'll do the Professional series.
Anyway, the weekend was good. Went for a 10km run in the morning, decided to enter the Rotorua Marathon 10km race. (They run separate 5km and 10km races from the main event.) So I'm back in training for running.
Then, in the afternoon, went round to see my brother - I hadn't seen him since he got back from his honeymoon. Ended up staying there most of the afternoon, assembling various outdoor furniture. Finally, went home and mowed the lawns. In the evening, we watched the Matrix Revolutions and ate pizza.
I enjoyed it, as usual J understood more of it than me, and so she explained some stuff afterwards.

Then on Sunday, we had the second presentation of the youth group outreach in the evening. This was honestly the best presentation I have ever seen our youth group do, it was perhaps the most youth oriented one yet. In the past, they have been unintentionally aimed at middle-aged Christians ... judging by the choice of music - very CCM ... it's still CCM but getting younger ... sometimes I think "now if I find this too old, how do the teenagers feel?"
There was a dance item, using Sara Grove's "Maybe There's a Loving God." It had the most impact of the whole evening ...
The song is about a girl who's struggling with the purpose of life. She wonders if there's a God out there somewhere who created this world and everything in it.

Then came Monday. Gym - this week is very cardio. Did a weights circuit program. Incidentally this is the last week of RHC Month 1. I think after this I'll have to take a few weeks off the RHC, to train for the race. We'll see how it goes.

feeling a little antsy ... need a fix ... need ... something ...

Good weekend. On Saturday, I went to Rapid Radio and bought an Alpine CDM-9821 cd head unit. Spent most of the afternoon/evening installing it. Very happy with it ... :-)
Rapid Radio were having a big sale, seeing as it's the end of the NZ financial year. I recommend them, they know what they're doing. They are probably a bit on the expensive side though ... nevertheless I think it's worth going there, cause I got some good advice.
On Sunday, J and I were on junior church, and we were looking after some 9 year olds, 3 girls and 6 boys.
That was pretty cool - we both enjoyed it. A couple of the boys were trouble-makers, well actually just one guy in particular. You have to get pretty stern with them to get any response.

what a morning. My car battery was flat this morning - the result of me playing around with my car stereo last night. I had to rewire the aerial to get the radio going, and tidy up some other stuff. Anyway, I went to leave for work - couldn't even get the starter to turn over.
I went and got the battery from J's car and attempted a jump start. Didn't work. J finally got out of the shower, worked out that I hadn't left yet, and helped me to shift her car next to mine, so we could try another jump start (properly this time, with her car running.) Still no go. We towed my car up to the road, and tried a push start. Nope. Towed it up a steeper side street, and tried a backwards roll start. Nope. A passing neighbour lent us his jumper leads (they looked to be of better quality than my cheapies), still didn't work.
Finally, had one more trip to the top of the street, and I tried a forward roll start. Popped it in 2nd, and "wow!" it worked!

So I was about an hour late to work today ... at least it was a beautiful fine sunny morning. The moral of the story is don't play with your new toys too much, unless you've got a big grunty battery.

It's a gorgeous day right now in Auckland. I was driving to work, and there wasn't a cloud in the sky, and it was a crisp 17 degree morning. For some reason, it's just lifted my mood, and it feels like everything is going well. It's strange how that happens, I'm sure we've had other good mornings this week, but today feels different.

RHC pull day, it was all good. For some reason it didn't seem that hard. Maybe because I'm not used to the exercises, so I don't try too hard. (Except for incline curls at 3 x 10 x 12.5kg - straight after standing curls, that was pretty hard).
Oh yeah, and S* had a record number of people in her Pump class (I showed up right at the end for the abs track and stretching). J missed me in there though, so I didn't even say goodbye before work. I better txt her.

Been reading NZ Mountain Biker magazine. I think it's part of my "needing a hobby" thing coming through ... I used to love mtb'ing about 10 years ago. Used to ride to uni.
And the other thing is rock-climbing, there's a wall just round the corner from work, but I don't have anyone to climb with.
what will i do???

**RHC log**
Bench 3 x 10 x 60kg
Incline 3 x 10 x 17.5kg each
Seated press 3 x 10 x 9kg each
Incline fly 3 x 10 x 12.5kg each
Side lat raise 3 x 10 x 6kg each
Close grip bench 3 x 10 x 40kg
**/RHC log**

Ok, it was a cardio day today. Persuaded J to get out of bed and go running but only because I was instructed to do so at the beginning of the week. She said, and I quote, "I want you to get me up and out of bed to go running, even if I want to sleep in ... "
I'm a lot smarter and I never issue any such blanket statements that might come back to pull me out of bed. In fact, I'm really lucky cause J takes pity on me when I'm sleeping in (she's such a softy) and just leaves me to it.

Still feeling the need for a hobby. Maybe rockclimbing at the indoor wall round the corner from work.

**boring diary-type post**

the weekend was all good. Friday night, went and watched Bad Boys II, (was ok, i like the car chase with the ferrari). Otherwise, average sort of movie - wouldn't really recommend it.
Saturday, helped move furniture and stuff for some friends and family. Good to see them though ... and it's nice to be helpful once in a while ... :-)

legs day again this morning, was in a bit of a rush cause got up late etc etc ... still, i'm going to persevere with the RHC schedule.

Oh and must remember to research the feast of the passover ... J & I are doing junior church this week, and that's the theme.

**/boring diary-type post**

yay for friday. it was the RHC pull day today. Widegrip pull downs, seated cable row, bent over rows, upright rows, incline dumbell curls. Plus the ever-present cardio.
This new program means I won't be going to Pump for a while ... which means on Friday, no classes with S*. Probably a good thing. (S* is a small blonde instructor who is not unattractive, shall we say).
(Best to be diplomatic here, seeing as J reads this ...)
J, you far surpass all other women in beauty and grace, and your elegance is without equal...
(there we go, nicely covered ... )

I went to the Impact World Tour strong man show last night. It was ok. On the plus side, you got to see "fat men breaking concrete tiles," some people snapping baseball bats, ripping phone books, bending iron bars, and there was a nicely integrated gospel message worked into the whole thing as well. On the minus side, it was too loud, there was too much hype (how many times can one guy say, "Auckland, make some noise!") and I'm too old for this sort of thing. The whole vibe for the performance part was on getting the crowd excited and shouting and screaming. However, I think people automatically shut up and hold their breath when something big is about to happen ... you know ... there's a hushed anticipation as we wait to see whether the next guy will knock himself out when breaking the tiles with his forehead.

It was good to go out with the guys though ... haven't done that in a while. Lotsafun :-)

My legs are still a bit sore and stiff ... well, that's what you get for neglecting them for so long, and then hammering them without warning. On today's menu was the upper body "push" workout. 4 sets of 15 for: Benchpress (40kg), incline dumbbell (2 x 12.5kg), seated dumbbell (2 x 6kg), dips, and skullcrushers (lying french press - 17.5kg). Plus 20min of cardio.

It didn't hurt as much as legs ... perhaps because I'm more accustomed to upper body workouts from doing Pump for so long. It's a similar thing so far, lighter weights and high reps.

I'm still amped on the RHC - it must be the novelty value.

Re: RHC - yesterday was legs day, it involved 6 different leg exercises. As a result, I am having difficulty walking today ... even sitting down involves taking my time and being careful. Beware the squats, they hammer your glutes ... 4 sets of 15 ... ouch ...

the Word for Today was about the Canaanite woman who went to see Jesus to ask him to heal her daughter.

"First, Jesus refused to answer her. Next, He said, "What I have is only for the Jews." Finally, He said, "It wouldn't be right to give the children's bread to dogs." But she refused to be shut down, put off or discouraged. Listen to her: "Have mercy on me." She's not asking for what she deserves, she's crying out for what she needs. As a result Jesus broke every precedent, removed every obstacle and answered her prayer. And if you'll persist, He'll do the same for you too!"

I think if I was her, and Jesus said "it wouldn't be right to give the children's bread to dogs" I might have got upset that I was being called a dog ... and just walked out. And been bitter for the rest of my life, that the so-called Saviour was a Jewish elitist with no time for Canaanites.
But then maybe my need would have been so great that it would have broken down all my "self-respect" and pride, and I would have been so humble as to say "but even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master's table." I don't know what I would have done ... it's amazing, the number of challenges that Jesus gave people ... Nicodemus, the rich young ruler, Zaccheus, the woman at the well ... they were all challenged in one way or another. What if it had been Matt the Canaanite ... something to ponder anyway ...

I've kinda started on the Rock Hard Challenge (see bulletin boards on Muscle and Fitness website).
It's a 3 month gym program, I don't know if I'll stick to it yet, because I haven't committed in my mind to the one program for 3 months. I may mix it up with other stuff.
Here's month 1
However, it has novelty value, and that's worth a lot when it comes to gym stuff. Things do become a bit boring after a while - same old pump, same old run, same old this and that.

I'm feeling torn. And it's all due to my web-counter (you know, thing that tells you how many people have read your webpage).

On the one hand, it's strangely gratifying to see that people are taking the time to read your blog (or at least visit the page). Almost makes it feel worthwhile and not-a-waste-of-time. It makes me want to write more, to keep fresh material up there for the audience. I'm a slave to acceptance. Go the counter.

On the other hand, I feel that perhaps I write too much rubbish and not enough of substance. There are sooo many better pages out there, so many more expressions of wonder and joy and emotion and feeling. My words just don't cut it sometimes. I'm a slave to inadequacy. Ignore the counter.

It was an epic weekend. Jeff & Karina got married on Saturday capping off a year of marriages for the two families. As I hinted at before, I am now related to a family that I already know well.
This is not to be entirely unexpected, for the church community that we grew up in is very tight, and it's more often than not that two of the young people that grew up there eventually marry each other.
I guess that's how it used to be in the old days, when people lived in villages or towns. Weddings were probably much more of a community affair back then. Nowadays, it's usually a two family + random friends thing ...

Anyhow, Jeff is married, Mum & Dad will have to get used to another empty bed in the nest, and we all take a deep breath and think "how time flies". Jeff my little bro who used to believe my every lie (apparently I told him all sorts of fibs when we were young) ... junior tennis champ ... soccer star ... the guy who used to sit in the back seat and comment when i went over 50km/hr when i was learning to drive ... who pretty much threw himself head first over the big tabletop at Turoa ... is now starting his own family.

All the best, mate.
(PS. now my shoulder is recovering, we will have to schedule the next press-up/arm-wrestle challenge ...)

**Start ramble**
All right. Apologies are in order. I hereby apologise for the rather tired, jaded, sleep-deprived, disfunctional state of four Aucklanders this morning ...

In the meantime I shall make mental notes along the lines of "I will not go out later than 10pm on a school night ..."

I went round to see Steve last night, and it was all good - the reminiscing, and just general random conversation. Just kindof stayed too long. Must go for more of a endurance program in future, more often for a lesser time (like more reps with lighter weights). Wow, I'm finding gym analogies for things now. Maybe I think about the gym too much.
**End ramble**

I'm trying to get a grip on how to construct my next post. However, in the meantime, check out deviantArt. So much cool art ...

ok, well, pursuing this philosophy thing for a bit: What is truth?

I wish I had something useful to write here, but I don't. Every time I look at a philosophical discussion on the web eg Hot Abercrombie Chick or some such thing (in fact I even found possibly the only philosophical discussion on the GTP Gran Turismo Forums), there is usually a reference to this guy Immanuel Kant.
From what I gather, he was a 18th century philosopher, who made some sort of statements about logic, metaphysics, and some other stuff.

"Kant supposed that the appearance of the external world depends in some measure upon the position and movement of its observers."

"Kant's most original contribution to philosophy is his "Copernican Revolution," that, as he puts it, it is the representation that makes the object possible rather than the object that makes the representation possible. This introduced the human mind as an active originator of experience rather than just a passive recipient of perception."

I think what he was saying is that knowledge depends to some extent on the human mind, not just on observations and reasoning.

All I know is that my head hurts when I start reading this sort of stuff.

In the words of Forrest, I guess that's all I have to say about that. For now.

i spent some time today reviewing some old emails in my hotmail account.
There was some junk in there like old birthday invitations from 2 years back, but also some stuff from people I haven't seen for years. I don't know how you'd classify them - I think of them as my friends, but I haven't seen some of them for 4 years or so. Some of them I haven't emailed in probably a year or so.
However, I'd like to think that maybe when circumstances allow it, I'll be able to meet up with them and it'll be like old times. I know in reality people move on, times change, relationships change, heck, everything is constantly changing. But even so ... maybe when J & I go on a big world trip we'll be able to stop in and see Claude in San Francisco, Suzy in Jackson Hole, Phil in Denver, Sarah & Elizabeth in Minneapolis, Mark in Sweden, Craig in London, Paul in Europe somewhere, Graham in East Timor, Vanessa & Vinni in Zurich. (Sorry if I missed anyone out ...)
And talk and laugh about the old times, and then all the new stuff that's happened ... yeah, that would be cool.

I guess that's nostalgia for you.

Ok, pop quiz. Or rather, pop IQ test:

The Classic IQ Test (by Tickle)

You have to go and do the usual sign up stuff (it's an emode test). It's only 2 pages long, about 40 questions and will take about 15 minutes.

Here's what it told me:
Your IQ score is 138

This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others.

Your Intellectual Type is Visionary Philosopher. This means you are highly intelligent and have a powerful mix of skills and insight that can be applied in a variety of different ways. Like Plato, your exceptional math and verbal skills make you very adept at explaining things to others — and at anticipating and predicting patterns. And that's just some of what we know about you from your IQ results.

Ah, the start of another week. Like a new day dawning.

Actually, no, it's not that flash. In fact, I'm tired already, and I'm struggling for motivation to chug through another day. Work is ... shall we say, not exactly the most exciting thing in the world.

Nevertheless, this IS an exciting week for on Saturday, my bro is getting married.

And just to relate a small story about the significance of this:
A year or so ago, I was trying to install a boost gauge in my car. So i go down to Repco, and talk to this guy there, his name is Glen. Little do I know that I will end up related to him ...
Y'see, Jeff my bro will marry Karina who is Royce's sister, and Royce (who is coincidentally my very good friend) is married to Ange, and Ange is the sister of Glen.
So that makes Glen my brother's wife's brother's wife's brother.
Or, my sister-in-law's sister-in-law's brother. In turn, I am his brother-in-law's brother-in-law's brother. How cool is that.

this week has been so busy.
First the post race euphoria spilling into Sunday.
Monday, I slept in, but later that evening we went out for dinner with friends.
Tuesday, went for a 5km run, that felt good. In the evening went to a church prayer meeting.
Wednesday, Pump in the morning, J played soccer in the evening, I visited Mum & Dad's place, chatted to Mum for a while and ate their food.
Thursday, run in the morning. Watched The Italian Job in the evening, I liked it.
Friday, Pump in the morning, sitting in the office right now.
Saturday - who knows? I'll probably go for a run.
Then rinse and repeat. I usually get all gloomy at this point and ponder the futility of it all but today I just feel good. :-)

NB: I found out that Sixpence is calling it a day. :-(

more music. This time from Sarah Masen:

Tuesday
tuesday after a reckless and used day
i was running and running without a chance
to stop and chat at the sky

finally i stopped for a breath in the evening
suddenly. i was caught by the scenery
painting a picture of You

day set, scatters of clouds in the distance
they whitewash the backdrop of secrets
whispering shadows of blue
in more delicate hues

Read this! It'll take a good hour or so. But well worth it.
http://www.selfknowledge.org/whoweare/doubt.htm
It's a discussion of CS Lewis' "Mere Christianity." by a group called SKS.

"The Self Knowledge Symposium (SKS) is a resource for students engaged in the spiritual search. Asking the big questions—who am I? Why am I here? What can I do with my life that will be meaningful?—is an essential aspect of the successful college experience."

About 2/3 of the way down is a wonderful series of posts by Alicia Davis. Thanks Alicia, wherever you are.

Saturday was great! It was race day - we ran in the adidas Great Lake Relay, around Lake Taupo.

The whole weekend started off driving down to Taupo on Friday night. We got there just before the start at 11pm. Had a good nights sleep, then up at 5:30am to go with Andrew and Talia to the start of our leg. The weather was good for running, cloudy with a few light showers here and there, and no wind.
We got to the start of our leg around 9:30. I was pretty nervous beforehand, had the pre-race jitters. J started first, and then I started maybe 5 or 10 minutes later.
Our leg was rated "average" - it started off with some gentle undulating hills, and then went into a nice 2-3km downhill, and ended with maybe 8km of flat road.
I settled into a nice rhythm, trying not to push the pace too early.
Caught a couple of people, then just into the big downhill I caught up with J, said "hi" as I passed her.
I could hear the footsteps of someone right behind me. They were just matching my pace, and this continued for maybe 5 minutes. Then this guy in a white T-Shirt passed me, but he was going at my pace, so I slipped in behind him for the next couple of km's.

We made it to the flat, and I passed him once again. I was checking my watch a lot, I figured I'd take just under an hour to complete the run. So at 30 minutes, I was about half way, and I didn't want to burn out before the end.

Andrew and Talia gave me a lot of support along the way, giving me water and Horley's Replace.

Finally we came to the last part of the leg, a slight uphill rise. The white T-shirt guy passed me up the hill, but I stayed maybe 20-30m behind him.

We crested the hill, and I could see the cars parked along the side of the road, a sign that the finish was approaching. With about 100m to go, I increased the pace, and crossed the line simultaneously with the white t-shirt guy. It was a great feeling, and an awesome finish, to come in at the same time as this guy who I'd been running with for the last 40 minutes.

When I checked my watch, it showed 48 minutes, well under my expected 55 or so.
I attribute this to actual race-day adrenaline and the big downhill at the beginning.

J came in a few minutes later, her time was about 1:10.

We spent the rest of the day supporting our team, giving them water etc.
Overall it was just an awesome social event. My legs are still a little stiff today, but I'm pretty sure I'll be back again next year.

Place Time
54 16:33:50 Gosling Chapman Gurus Auckland 247 (J's team)
66 16:43:36 Spring Beans Auckland 248 (My team)

I forgot to mention - the race is tomorrow! We run 10km of the relay round Lake Taupo. It hasn't been a great week for training, but hopefully the effort of the past few months will pay off. I'm not sure what conditions will be like so I'm packing heaps of running gear, covering rain, wind and sun. Our leg is supposed to be at 9:30am, which is almost an ideal time (early enough that if it's sunny it won't be too scorching, but late enough that if it's cold and rainy, the day should still have warmed up a bit). I'm hoping for dry, mild temperatures and slightly cloudy. With a gentle breeze.

Ironically, Phil Goff is my MP. Although he's not really representing my views. I'm not actually sure who's views he is representing. I sometimes despair that the electorate doesn't really see much further than their own wallet, or else they just continue with the status quo for the sake of it. (Although of course I'm biased here; I should really give people the benefit of the doubt, and assume they have thought about it and made an informed, rational, intelligent decision on who to vote for.)

time for a political post. Quoting from Maxim's Real Issues #98:

How should we swear to do our duty?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Justice Minister Phil Goff wants to change the oaths and affirmations made
by public office holders, some state employees and immigrants when they
become new citizens. He says it's nearly 50 years since the last
full review, and we need to check whether the oaths express the values and
beliefs of our national values today, or reflect a sense of
independent nationhood.

Mr Goff is worried that the oaths swear allegiance to the Queen rather than
to New Zealand. He points out that most other Commonwealth countries -
even England - are making similar changes.

Some interesting conundrums are posed by Mr Goff's review. Who will decide
what our "national values" are? And what does it actually mean if we pledge
loyalty "to New Zealand and the people of New Zealand" (the kind of wording
that Mr Goff seems to favour)? Does it mean that we pledge loyalty to
the government? What if the government and the people are in serious
disagreement over an issue? The abolition of appeals to the Privy Council
would be a case in point.

Making an oath once meant that we acknowledged a higher power was
witnessing our statement, and stood ready to call us to account. An oath
cannot be legitimately broken. That is implicit in an oath to the Crown.
So understood, oaths are a necessary component of democratic freedom
because they reinforce trust. It would appear that the highest power we
believe in now is the government, or an ill-defined national identity.
That is not encouraging.

oh man! this blog-web thing is contagious. I started at Dan's Online Diary, made my way to Aaron's, and then onto Twenty Commandments for Culture-Changers.
Interesting...

Last night, I went collecting for IHC. IHC is a NZ charity that helps intellectually disabled people - they provide support for the parents of IH kids, and help IH people to live in the community.

I was collecting in a particularly poor road in Mt Roskill. Along one side are a motley collection of abandoned warehouses, and cheap commercial buildings, and along the otherside is ex-state housing, interspersed with some major roadworks for a new motorway. The houses are mostly in a pretty bad state, unkempt lawns and some are just badly in need of new paint. Realistically, nobody I know would want to live in this street.

Amongst all this, are an interesting collection of people just trying to get along. I found it interesting because although I drive along this street every week, I didn't really know what sort of people lived there. There's a mix of Asian students, presumably renting a cheap old house, Indian immigrants, and older retired people, and just some poor folk on the benefit. Every so often I would go up a driveway and see a well-kept garden or rose bush, and it struck me that the garden makes a big impression on how "welcoming" a house is. I wonder how my house appears to people walking up to the front door.

I was a little surprised at the generosity of these people. Most gave a donation even if it was only some loose change. It made me think, here I live only a block away from these people, in my "nice neighbourhood" and living my nice middle-class life. Do I give as generously as these people who pretty much have nothing? I also thought back to when I worked at an inner-city CA firm. I did tax returns for some high net worth individuals, and only very rarely did I come across someone who had enclosed tax rebates for donations with their tax info. Either the rich people don't bother with getting their rebate, or else they just don't give to charities.

Anyway, it was a surprisingly fulfilling evening, in that I felt I was able to give a little time and effort to help others, I got to speak with a few people I would never have otherwise, and just take a little peek into their lives (which is always interesting). It was also refreshing just to take my mind off my own life and focus on others for a while.

ok, timeout. Just to be like everyone else, I'll mention a cd I've been listening to lately.
Check out "Brooke Fraser - What to do with daylight"
She's a 20 yr old NZer, and has pretty much exploded on the pop music scene here.

no time for this diary nonsense. Too busy fixing freaking computer problems ... **tears hair out**

today i have nothing to say. Except:

- as a diary sort of thing: J's dad has been staying a couple of nights. For some probably unconnected reason, we have been staying up late and consequently we're tired. yeah, i know, story of my life.

- go read this guys blog: Cameron Lawrence
He's describing a lot of experiences that I identify with, only he says it a whole lot better than I ever would have.

Today's run was ok. We did the 5km's to my parents. J was pretty exhausted by the end of it, because I had been talking about interval training. So, after 2 minutes of warm up, she sped right up, and I was having to run faster than my normal pace to keep up. We maintained this for about a minute, then slowed to a jog for a minute and a half. Then we were back up and running hard for another 60 seconds.
Later I found out that J thought the "run" part of interval training meant you had to sprint. She was running like it was a 400m race!
Next time I will have to emphasise that the "run" part is just a bit faster than normal. Not full on sprinting!

We had a holiday this past weekend, Waitangi Day. A national day for New Zealand. Except that it's not really a day for New Zealand patriotism, rather it's a day for a few Maori radicals and protesters to thumb their noses at the rest of New Zealand. Perhaps that's why we treat the day with complete indifference.

Anyway, we went to a wedding up north - we've moved on from the 21st and engagement party stage in life to weddings and babies.

And we also squeezed in a training run before leaving Auckland. Once again ran from Mission Bay to Mikano's and back. This time I ran at pretty much full pace, and clocked it at 50 minutes. J took 1:15, and she was a little disappointed that she hadn't run any faster than last week, but I said not to worry, because we'll focus on some speed work this week.
Apparently, running for longer (time or distance) doesn't make you any faster - you have to train your body to run faster by (guess what) going faster. The way you do this is interval training, ie run, jog, run, jog etc etc. You effectively run for a short period at a faster than normal pace, and only then does your body start to get used to the idea that it can go faster.
I will try all this out tomorrow morning (assuming we wake up in time).

I can't remember the last time J & I went out to a restaurant, just the two of us.
I should really remedy this situation as soon as possible and it's quite opportune that V-day is next week.
But every month I look at my bank balance and think about how I should really be saving, paying off the mortgage, living within my means. Married life is more expensive than you'd think. My advice to all those single people with good incomes is feel free to splash out every now and then on treats, cause it's a lot harder to do so when you're married with a mortgage.

But getting back to it, there are a few memories that are highlights, and not just for the food either.
The best memories were probably the nights spent at Safran in Newmarket.
We were wandering around one Sunday night, looking for a place to have a cup of coffee. A tall eastern european man was standing outside the door, and he beckoned to us.

"Come on in, we have a table for you" he said.

How can you go past this? We followed him off the footpath into the cafe. It was dark but cheerful inside, and there was the warm sound of happy chatter. We walked on hardwood floors, squeezing past the old wooden tables and chairs to a table on the side. The walls were covered with posters from another era, advertising old movies, faded and worn as if we were in a real Mediterranean cafe on the Greek coast. An ancient chandelier stood stately, covered in wax from the countless candles of years gone by.

There's a bench that runs along the wall, with a number of small tables dotted along side, just big enough for two. Our waitress lit the candle on the table, and filled our glasses with water.

It's a place of intimacy and friendship, warm and relaxed. The hours passed by as we talked and laughed.
We played with melted wax, filling the grooves worn into the table, smoothing them over, and tracing the lines.

We talked about our past, our families, and found the similarities, the shared understandings of our experiences in life. Found out that underneath the surface of a couple of Auckland accountants, our values and interests overlapped and intertwined. Began to explore memories and things unsaid to so many for so long.

At last, we slipped off into the night, the end of an enchanted evening.

Potential - look at a life. any life. in my case i'm looking at mine in particular.
In 7th form, I peaked as far as my studies went. I even came first in NZ in one subject in the NZEST Scholarship exams. The world was my oyster.
And what did I do with it?

Nothing - pretty much just went with the flow. Which in my case was go to Auckland uni, graduate with a BSc in Computer Science and a BCom in Accounting. And even that was the result of procrastinating - something along the lines of "what shall i do? Accounting or Computers?"

"I know - i'll do both so i don't have to make a decision here and now."

I read the story of Charles Goodyear, the guy who pretty much discovered the process of rubber vulcanisation. Countless setbacks, massive debt and perpetual destitution were unable to dent Goodyear's faith in rubber. He died a poor man, but he had a dream and he pursued it and saw it right through to the end.

What i want to know is where's my dream.

Right now it's 10am Monday morning and I'm stoked on running. Yup, I still remember when I was 18 and dead against running anywhere. Why run when you can ride? I was into mountain-biking back then and running seemed like such a huge waste of time and energy. I mean can you think of anything more inefficient?

Fast forward a decade or so, and now, after a few months of it, I really enjoy running. J & I got into it for the sake of keeping fit, and I didn't really enjoy it at first. But now, it's actually fun.

We did a big run on Saturday, 8am at Mission Bay. Ran to Mikano's which is exactly 4.9km according to the tripmeter in the car. So that's a 9.8km round trip (let's just say 10km). Together we did it in 1:13. It was good to get that under our belts, just to know that we CAN physically do it.

And then this morning I did a 6km circuit from our house, which encompasses a fairly big hill climb, and that took 29min. Yay, 5-6 min faster than I've ever done it before.

So yeah, funny that I can get so excited about something I used to hate, but then I guess the only thing constant in this life is change. Learn to live with it and you might even enjoy it.

Lyrics for today:

My Generation
by Phil Joel

Feel the flames in the moonlight
Feel the warmth from the campsite
There is no reason to fear
No one's alone here

Memories never stray too far
West coast summers, our first cars
We were kings, this was our kingdom
But like soldiers to war we were sent
So many things called us away
And I saw the tail lights fade

Watch you walking away
It's driving me crazy
It's my generation
Watch you walking away
It's driving me crazy
It's my generation

Feel the flames in the moonlight
Growing up, our spirits so high
We had the fire and we felt the same
How did things get so strange?
Fuel the fire, gotta fan the coals
What will become of our souls?

Better to look a fool and still say this
Close your eyes to the world's infatuations
You know the truth
And I wish you were here tonight

it's already 1 month down in 04. one day fades into another week and the months tick by. i've been thinking lately about what's important in life.

quoting the big JD (James dobson - mr focus on the fam) - "when you come to the end of your life, only a handful of things will matter. Who you loved, and who loved you. And where you'll stand on that day"

and here i stand or am i really lying down - just drifting. what is worth striving for, what is worth dying or more importantly, living for.

for me, the time of the quarterlife crisis is over. all the arguments of youth, the rebellion, the music, the so-called important issues (you guys will know what i'm talking about) are fading out, and adulthood looms large.

time for new goals, new aspirations. the last two years were pretty much focused on J, family, new house ... everything else went on hold.

usually i'd wait and see what happens. guess that's what i'll do.

it's a new day. Why not start a blog? I've felt the need for a new hobby so maybe this will start off where http://www.geocities.com/southbeach/lights/3357 left off.

mind you, why should anyone read this? just another lot of random musings ...

ok, first and foremost this will be for me. and it's a nod to the past as well, back to the days of bbs's.